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In Bold Anti-Trump Statement, Pelosi Rips Up Bible

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a bold, powerful statement to oppose Trump, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi solemnly tore up the Bible after Trump was seen holding one up in front of a church.

At a press conference, the Speaker of the House held up a Bible and then ripped it in two, declaring that she was against anything Trump was associated with.

“If Trump is for the Bible, then I am against it,” she said as she struggled to rip the Bible in half. Finally, aides came to intervene, pre-ripping the spine of the Bible so it would be easier for her to tear. “All the books of the Bible are bad: Genesis, Joseph, the one with the big fish, even Hezekiah. We must stand against Trump’s bigotry by ripping up anything he claims to be for.”

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“Yass, queen! Slay!” shouted her fans at the press conference as she finally managed to rip the Bible up. “You’re my president!”

In a genius move, Trump then held up a Koran in front of a mosque, forcing Pelosi to tear up a Koran and alienate the left.

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